Types of Women

The Party Girl

A "party girl" is any woman who loves to party.  This can actually mean many things.  Some party girls love to just have a good time, which may or may not include drinking or having sex.  Others take the drinking aspect of "party girl" to more of an extreme.  Yet others will exhibit party girl tendencies without drinking too much or having excessive sex, like the girl who loves to go out dancing two or three times each week. Having a date or girlfriend who is a “party girl” is not necessarily bad, it really depends upon how you feel about how she acts. Chances are that if you are bothered even a little by her party girl tendencies at first, then it will become more of a problem later on …  so keep that in mind!

High Maintenance

"High Maintenance" can mean many things.   Sometimes the term "high maintenance" is used synonymously with what I later refer to as a "showgirl", also known as an "attention whore".   But I believe the showgirl/attention whore type is distinct and different from what I'm calling "high maintenance" … although in some cases a woman who is "high maintenance" is also a "showgirl".   Let me differentiate between my interpretations of the two.   "High maintenance" refers to a woman who requires you to expend a lot of money and/or effort in order to make her happy … whereas the requirements of a "showgirl" are more emotional rather than monetary or physical, the showgirl needs more interaction with or attention from you.

Psycho

Psycho, that one word says it all.  It means completely nuts.   Psycho women will do things that are completely crazy ... lacking rational thought ... actions with no thought about consequences.   Sometimes they are violent.   Sometimes they break things or throw things.  Sometimes they scream and yell.  Sometimes they do outrageous things like vandalize your car, or embarrass or harass you at work.   They might even threaten you or your new girlfriend.   You get the idea.   These women are just plain crazy, and there is nothing you can do to change them.     Your best strategy after you recognize that a women is psycho is to cut your losses immediately … hopefully before she gets too attached to you, as that might minimize potential bad behavior that might be directed toward you.

Dullard

A dullard is someone who is just flat out dull, boring, uninteresting, and probably uninterested in many things.   They usually lack a colorful personality, and also typically have low self-esteem.  You can date a dullard, just be prepared to be bored.   And be prepared for the fact that YOU will always need to create all of the excitement in the relationship, as dullard women are followers, not leaders.   In the past, when I have discovered myself dating a woman who is boring and dull, I have privately nicknamed her “Betty Boring”.   And when we as a couple have together become extremely boring together, I have referred to us as “Bob and Betty Boring”.    When I used the “Bob and Betty Boring” reference openly, my dullard girlfriends did not get especially upset with me, primarily because I've always been a big joker, and they came to expect something like that from me.   Plus I was referring to both of us, not just her … and that makes a difference.   But privately, I knew she was really the boring one!

Housecat

My good friend in the entertainment industry, Kev, actually coined the term “housecat” (as it applies to women) during a telephone conversation I was having with him about my current girlfriend.  Kev had called me at home around lunchtime on a handful of occasions, and each time I told him that I needed to keep my voice down because the little woman was sleeping.   Kev finally asked me after pointing out that it was after 12:00 noon, “Did you marry a housecat?”  After I stopped laughing, and several hours later, I realized that in a certain sense I am actually dating a housecat … but not an actual cat, rather a particular type of woman!   After recognizing this, I thought more about it, and I could point to several of my friends who also live with housecat women … although some of these women are more extreme housecats than others.

Housewife

A “housewife” is significantly different than a “housecat” woman, even though they might seem to imply similar qualities, they actually do not.   The typical universal definition of the term “housewife” is a woman who manages her own household as her career, like a “homemaker”.   That type of housewife is married, and I am not referring to married women! I use the term, “housewife”, in a much more narrow sense … I mean it to refer to a single woman, usually divorced, and often with kids.    She may drive a minivan (yikes), she may be overweight (if you are a chubby-chaser, then watch it jiggle), she may be receiving large alimony or child support payments (which can help you pay for stuff).     Housewives typically give it up quickly, in other words, it is relatively easy to get them into bed.  So dating a housewife is actually a good thing, unless you hate children.  [I will come back and address the subject of children from a prior relationship later, right now, I am focusing on the mom … the housewife.]   To date a housewife, you have to be at the very least TOLERANT of children, although in some cases, you may never actually see your housewife's children.

Caterer

I use the term “caterer” here to describe a woman who is attentive to a man's needs (versus a woman who cooks for a living … although that might be nice!).   A woman who is a caterer is someone who is very easy-going, and who will want to help you out with whatever it is you are into, or are doing, etc.   These caterer women can be very handy to have around, they will do most of the work for you.   They typically are more of the housewife and/or housecat type, and usually are not professionally employed.   These women are PLEASERS … they want to make you happy, and will go through a lot of extra effort in trying to make you happy.   What am I talking about, specifically?   Sex?  Maybe, but to a true caterer, sex would be only one symptom.   Other symptoms of a caterer here might include baking you cookies, offering to make your friends dinner, bringing you an unsolicited present, cleaning your house, washing your car, walking your dog, pulling weeds in your garden, etc.    In other words, a caterer is often chore-oriented!   And there is nothing I like better than watching a woman work!   [You cannot ever tell that to a woman though.]

Stalker

While a caterer centers her life around you, and does many things to make you happy, a stalker takes things to a whole new level.   You can find yourself dating a stalker, or (more likely) the stalker is a woman who you recently broke up with.   If are dating a stalker, it probably won't last, or maybe shouldn't last too long … because she will fast drive you nuts.   What is a stalker exactly?  The formal definition of a stalker is someone who persistently observes a person out of obsession or derangement … and this is definitely true.   My definition of “stalker” is a little more detailed, I would describe a stalker as someone who is constantly concerned with where you are, what you are doing, and what you are thinking.    A woman stalker will always want to talk to you … so she will call you often.   When you are not around, she may go through your belongings (to search for something, anything such as evidence of cheating).   She may follow you without your knowledge, if she is bold enough.   And this is all while you are dating her!   It could get a lot worse once you get tired of her, and break up.   Think about all the TV shows or movies you've seen where women do crazy things … like follow you when you are out on a date, or watch your home from across the street, or drive-by a bunch of times each day … yikes!   All of this stalker behavior is really rooted in low self-esteem, and a desire to be needed or wanted by someone.   There are different degrees that a woman can be a stalker, mild cases are fairly common, but more troublesome cases can be extremely menacing, and might indicate a need for intervention on the part of law enforcement, the court system (restraining order), and/or psychiatric care.

Nymphomaniac

You probably have forgotten what having great sex is all about.   You may have also forgotten what having sex frequently means … as often sex in long-term relationships slows down to a crawl in terms of frequency.   [A lot of guys I know in long-term multi-year relationships are lucky to get laid once every two weeks.]   If you suddenly find yourself dating a nymphomaniac, then your world is changing drastically for the better, at least for the short-term.   A nymphomaniac is a woman who loves to have a lot of sex as often as possible.   And if she is attractive and only interested in you, then life is truly a happy place!

Jealous

Okay, Mr. Midlife Bachelor, you just finished fantasizing about dating a nymphomaniac, and how wonderful and glorious that must be … even if fleeting.   Now you can come crashing back to reality with an image that is all too often total reality … that of a jealous woman.   Almost all women are jealous to some extent, some more than others.   Some women are so jealous that it overwhelmingly defines their personality, and their behavior toward you.    Women can be jealous of other women, or the potential of other women possibly wanting to be with you.   Or they can be jealous of EVERYTHING that takes your attention away from them.   They can be jealous of your friends, your family, your job, and your hobbies.   So jealousy is not just limited to your interactions or potential interactions with other women, it can possibly encompass many things.

Showgirl

How many of us know a woman who frequently puts on some kind of show?  I'm talking about a woman who often has some kind of drama around her, whether real or imagined, and always has to be talking about it.   This type of woman is a showgirl ... sometimes known as a "drama queen".   She is often the center of attention where ever she is.   She wants everyone (especially you) to notice her.  She wants you to hear her story.   She will make a scene if she is mad, and will be completely unapologetic.  She is also always right.   Sometimes these women dress in ways that draw excessive attention to themselves, like wearing something a little too low-cut, or tight.   These women are often very good-looking, and used to getting their way, but they can be so annoying.   SO ANNOYING!

Religious

First let me say that I by no means intend to offend anyone by what I'm about to say about religious women.   I am highly in favor of religion.  If today's world had more widespread participation and belief in religion, then I'm sure it would be a better place than it is now.   Religion is good, you can quote me on that, if you wish.   And for the record, I am Catholic, Roman Catholic to be specific.  I'm just not really what is called a “practicing Catholic” … perhaps because I had too much practice growing up?   That is another story entirely.

The Boss

You probably know this, but just about ALL women really want to be “the boss”.   Some want to be the boss in bed, others want to be the boss with the children, or maybe just in certain situations, others want to be the boss at all times!  The challenge that we men face is to let them THINK they are the boss, when in fact we know that we men are really the boss, right?  Isn't that the key to a successful relationship?   I'll come back to that question.  For now, what does “the boss” really mean here in the context that I'm using it?  It refers to a woman who needs to think that she is the one in control of the relationship.

Jackpot

Hitting the "jackpot" basically means you won the lottery, or something similar.   And that is exactly how I use this term with respect to a girlfriend.   A "jackpot" girlfriend possesses all of the qualities you could ever hope for!   And every man's “jackpot” is going to be different.   For exam ple, a devoutly religious man's jackpot is probably a very good-looking virgin that goes to the same church as he does, and whose father is the minister.   The term “jackpot” as it applies to women in my own vocabulary actually came from a period of dating in my mid-twenties.   At the time, my friends and I were still in the phase of doing whatever drugs we could get our hands on, even though most of us had transitioned into professional careers.   I had started dating this really cute woman named Kim who lived in my apartment complex.   Turned out that Kim was a pharmacist, and when I told this to one of my stoner friends, he screamed out the word JACKPOT, and gave me a high five.   [We thought she was going to be able to give us great pills to party with, but exactly the opposite turned out to be true.]   I've used the term “jackpot” ever since.